Pick Your Poison Read online

  Blinking at him as I adjusted the mask on my face, the broken strap along the side to keep it secured flapping the side of the mask’s lens, I shook my head. “It’s for your safety.”

  “That thing is so old, sweetie... I don’t know if it’s all that safe for you to be, uh, playing wit- I mean, wearing it.”

  When I just shook my head, Dad didn’t know quite what to say to that, his lips parting and closing as he lifted a hand to gesture at me. Doodle whined from inside the house, wishing her master to come away from the crazy mask wearing vampire, but I could barely smell a damned thing with this clunky, musty mess over my head and it was reassuring.

  “So... you wearing the mask... will protect me?”

  I nodded, the mask bobbing along with me.

  “And... your mother?” Dad added quietly.

  Another nod from me. “Yes,” I said succinctly.

  Making a funny noise with his mouth that whistled through his nose, lips pursing, he gave me a long, measuring look.

  Hazel eyes narrowing shrewdly, he nodded slowly. Turning, he ducked into the house to call out for Mom, then looked back at me. “And you swear you haven’t been doing drugs?” he whispered, glancing around worriedly as if someone might overhear him.

  “Oh, my god, Dad! No!”

  “Right. Right.” Relief washing over his craggy features, he let out a long breath to stare at the tips of his boat shoes. Stepping back, he closed the screen door, shutting it quietly behind him, and peeked up at me. “You’re sure, though?”

  “Dad!!”

  “What? Look! I’m sorry! You’re wearing Grandpa Herman’s gas mask and you’re acting strange! It’s all... I just... I had to ask!”

  Life’s a gas, erm, mask, suctioned to your face...

  “So... a vampire?”

  I nodded, staring at my clenched hands, which were fisted in my lap as I sat on the front porch swing.

  Mom took a long sip of her iced tea, studying me over the rim. She’d been unusually quiet throughout all this, and I was dying inside as I waited for her to finally speak.

  “But a vampire?” Dad mumbled weakly, staring off over the porch railing at the jasmine creeping up the side.

  Dad sounded so disappointed I wanted to cry, tears I couldn’t let out stinging the backs of my eyes as my throat grew too tight. He can’t handle it. This is it. He’s going to tell me to go and get lost any minute now.

  “I’m sorry,” I said finally, the toe of my sneaker sliding along a porch plank to stop the swing.

  The old wooden bench creaked as I made to get up, the chains rattling as I leaned forward and my feet fell flat.

  “This’ll be fine,” Mom said finally.

  “What?” My gaze snapped to meet hers and she smiled.

  Tapping her fingers along her chair, she nodded. “I said this’ll be fine. Don’t you worry, and don’t you worry about me or your Daddy, either. It’ll all work out—you’ll see. Everything will be just fine.”

  “Momma?”

  Mom grinned, brushing a strand of grey streaked wavy brown hair away from her face as it slipped from the loose bun atop her head. “Hah, Frederick, did you hear that?” Reaching over, she patted Dad’s knee. “Don’t think I’ve heard Norma Gene call me that since elementary. I was beginning to think I never would.”

  Dad was still a bit gobsmacked, his wide shoulders slumped as he stared off after the jasmine, dark grey hair slightly askew from having run his fingers through it so many times. “But a vampire?”

  “Oh, hush. What is it?” Lips pursed, Mom set her drink along the window ledge to give Dad the eye. “She said she could have died, Frederick. That boy, that fella she’s been seeing, saved her. I’d rather a daughter alive and a little different, though still the same,” she tacked on pointedly, with a meaningful look at me before her eyes went back to Dad, “than dead, thank you very much.”

  Harrumphing, she turned back to me then and had just enough time to catch me as I launched myself at her. “Thank you,” I mumbled.

  Wrapping my arms around her waist, I hugged her tight, letting out a long sigh of relief that felt better than it should as she cradled my head to her chest. “Hah. Nothing to thank me for, you silly goose. You’re my girl, Norma Gene, and there’s nothing that’s going to change that.”

  “But-but-” Dad spluttered. Mom reached over and whopped him one on the back of the head. Dad grunted and jerked away, sitting up straighter.

  “Better?” she asked sweetly, all sugar and sass.

  “But the sun... What about our family cruise?!” Dad finally blurted.

  “Oh, Frederick.” Shaking her head in disgust, Mom sighed. “Are you... Honey, are you serious right now?”

  Twisting to face my old man, I scratched at the back of my neck absently. “That’s what you’re worried about? A cruise? But I thought...”

  “Well, yes.” Crossing his arms over his chest defensively, my father’s lips drew down as his brow dipped low. “It was supposed to be a surprise.” He glanced at me. “We thought it would be good for you, you know, get you out and about more, and we could all see some sights as a family. Can’t do that now though, if you have a sun allergy.”

  “Gee, thanks, Dad,” I muttered sarcastically, and then much quieter under my breath, “I feel so much better getting that off of my chest and knowing you two support me no matter what.”

  “Of course we support you! Don’t be ridiculous!” Dad barked. “What kind of parents do you think we are? I’m just saying, I got a really good deal on that package.” Eyeing Mom with a kicked puppy look, hunching down in his chair, he mumbled, “Be a shame to see them go to waste.”

  “We’ll think of something else, then,” Mom said quickly, daring Dad to argue.

  Dad grimaced, looking as if maybe he was going to plead his case, but when he glanced down at me he nodded.

  “It’s not too late,” he said easily. “We can get a refund, I’m sure, and we’ll just plan a different trip.”

  “You guys go,” I insisted. “Just take my ticket back, or however those things work, or see about a trip for two or something. Seriously, you guys do too much for me as it is, and I, uh, already had plans anyway.” Total lie, but they’ll forgive me, if they ever figure it out. “Go, take your vacation. You need one.”

  Dad’s eyes lit up and he sat up from his dejected slump. “Yes!” Dropping his arm from his fist pump as Mom stared after him, her dark blue eyes blinking at the little whoop he let out, he settled down immediately. Clearing his throat, he murmured somberly, “I mean, uh, well, yes, I suppose we could...” Peeking at Mom, he coughed gruffly. “You know, if you insist.”

  Snorting, I let him reel me in for a hug until I was scrunched between them.

  “You know we love you, don’t you, Genie?” Dad said after a short pause.

  “Yeah, Dad,” I laughed, “I do.”

  Mom’s hand patted the back of my head and she gave my hair a playful tug to get me to pull back. Staring down into my upturned face, she flicked the broken strap at the side of my head. “Now, maybe next time we see you, you won’t be outfitted like you’re worried about the potential for chemical warfare, hmm?”

  “Mm. I don’t know. I’ll think about it.”

  “Yes, well, think very hard, sweetie. Oh, and I’m sure if you were still worried you could bring your friend with you next time.” A knowing smile tipped Mom’s lips. “He could help you with all this, couldn’t he?”

  “Uhm, yup, he could.” If I hadn’t just left him, that is. I tried to smile back but it felt forced—not that she could exactly see my face with this getup on or anything.

  Dad grinned and stood up to make his way past me. “Looks just like Grandpa Herm with that ridiculous thing on, doesn’t she, Sheryl Anne? But cute.”

  “Frederick, don’t you go teasing her now! She’s got a lot going on and that’s the last thing she needs.”

  And that’s my cue to exit. “So I’m going to go now!” I called after them, taking t
he porch steps two at a time as Mom trailed after Dad into the house, berating him teasingly as he chuckled good-naturedly.

  “Oh, bye, sweetie! And you let us know if you need us to set up a blood drive or something for you, or however those things work!”

  Yikes. “Ah... uhm, not necessary, but, uh, okay, thanks!”

  “Right, yeah! Bye, then!” Dad shouted after me.

  I was rounding the corner, headed towards the basement door when I heard Dad. “They don’t do blood drives for vampires, Sheryl Anne. They do those hotline things, like sex phone chat lines, or they go and pay for it,” I heard him whisper way too loud.

  Mom burst out laughing, giggling as she whispered back, “That sounds terrible, the last one, like prostitution, Freddie.”

  Didn’t it, though. There was more but I only tuned back in for the last bit.

  “Oh, we should find a number and call one of those hotline ones, you know, just to see?”

  “For, uh, for research purposes,” I heard my old man murmur back between chuckles. “And, you know, if things with that fella of hers don’t work out, I think there’s a goblin managing the store the next county over, and a, uh... what are they called...? A... hmm... Oh! They just hired one of those wolf men over at Hoke’s Auto. Nice fella. A bit grumbly and curt, hair’s a bit too long in my opinion, but nice. Heard he’s wanting to start up a pack around here. That’s good, right?”

  “Well, let’s hope it doesn’t come to that. I think she likes this one.”

  “Hah. Research. Gag me,” I grumbled to myself, grimacing, though I couldn’t contain my chuckle. My parents are freaks. Hell no to the goblin or the werewolf. Mom had it figured out—intuition or what have you, she had my number.

  A small smile tipped my lips as their voices drifted off. Don’t know why I’d doubted them in the first place. Mom and Dad rock.

  Just about to open my door, something white and orange caught my eye. Frowning, I turned and made my way over to Mom’s garden bench.

  Picking up the Styrofoam cup sitting there, my eyes scanned the area. A hiss slipped past my lips and I growled. Someone had been near my apartment, and I had no idea who.

  The soft drink cup was warm, really warm, as if it had been sitting out all day. Careful to hold it as far away from me as possible, I grimaced. “Probably smells like it, too. Yuck.”

  Walking up the side to chuck it in the trash can, my jaw clenched as my nostrils flared. I didn’t like the idea of intruders traipsing around the property, even less wondering if they’d hung out a while.

  But why, I wondered. There’s nothing here of import, and if they tried to hurt my family... A snarl worked its way up my throat. Anyone tries to hurt my family, they’re in for a rude awakening.

  Just a bite

  I was starting to grow hungry, very hungry. My days were blurring by and yet they felt so agonizingly slow. Someone was taunting me with those stupid Styrofoam cups, dumping them all throughout the yard randomly as if it was some kind of shitty game to them, and I was already riled up as it is. Oh, just wait ‘til I get my hands on that little litterbug—bugs, if there was more than one of them—I thought nastily.

  I’d also yet to hear from the asshole who’d turned me. Thinking about any and all of this just served to further my dark mood.

  A bit sluggish but still moving along, I delivered table three’s pizzas and dutifully marched back to the kitchen.

  “You look like shit.” Daunte grinned, pointed white teeth flashing as he clamped another fat, smelly cigar between his lips.

  Smoothing a hand over the remains of his horns, his fingers ran down his chest and he tugged at the hem of his black work shirt with the words Big D printed across the front. Noting I’d caught the action, he winked.

  A puff of smoke wafted towards my face but I fanned it away. “I’m glad I don’t eat here. I’d probably die of food poisoning.”

  “You can’t eat at all, my little vampire, which brings me to my point.” Bright green gaze narrowing, his dark purple lips curled up in a sneer. “Not that you ate here before. Philistine.” Baring his teeth, his deep voice murmured in a deceptively soft voice full of do-what-I-say-or-else, “Call your mate.”

  “No, thanks.” Sneakers squeaking noisily across the black and white checkered linoleum, I propped open the back door, setting up a fan to let the stink out. “The health board should come in here and shut you down.” Pulling up a stool, I plopped down heavily.

  Gesturing to the food he was overseeing meaningfully, he took one look at it and shrugged. “Let them try, baby girl.” An evil laugh worked its way up his throat and he threw his head back, bellowing malevolently. “I used to live in Hell, remember? Just let them try.”

  Shaking my head, I snorted. “How you haven’t been shut down yet is a miracle.” The bell at the front rang and I groaned. “I don’t want to get it.” Waving at the boss man halfheartedly, I jerked my chin. “You go get it.”

  “Not my job,” the rage demon called happily, twirling a giant pizza crust with practiced ease.

  Stumbling to my feet, shoulders slumped, I tried to put on my happy face. “You are a fierce vampire chick. You can do this.”

  “Fierce.” Daunte grinned, his chest rumbling with the beginnings of a deep growl. Curling the fingers of his free hand like claws, hissing long and low, he let off a baby roar fit for a kitten. “Go get ‘em, tiger.”

  Flipping him a pretty birdy, I let my fangs drop as my lips lifted in a teeth baring snarl. “Eat me.”

  Long, forked, blue tongue snaking out, the demon’s eyes flashed with hellfire, dark as night with flames licking his irises, the smell of brimstone thickening in the air.

  Chuckling darkly, he made sickening, over exaggerated reptilian noises as he licked his lips. “With relish.”

  “Ugh, that’s sick, dude. Sick.”

  The demon ran his tongue over his nose, crossing his eyes as he leaned over and put way too much cheese on a pepperoni pie. “Pfft. Amateur. You started it.”

  “Consider this me ending it.” Doing a fine job of making gagging noises, I pushed past the swinging door, shuffling feet to the register. “I don’t get paid enough for this job.”

  “So quit.”

  Glancing up, I blinked, then blinked again. “What the hell are you doing here?”

  Stefan smiled slightly at my sharp, brusque tone, shrugging, and hooked a thumb over his shoulder. Callie, Duncan, and Mary, situated at one of the big booths, all offered their own familiar hellos.

  “We were in the neighborhood and thought we’d... stop by.”

  Still staring after everyone at the booth, waving half-heartedly as Duncan continued to flap his hand in a happy wave, my gaze snapped to the wraith-like warlock.

  “Uh-huh... Right. What’s really going on? This place sucks and you know it. You all here to check up on me, make sure I don’t have a body count or something, or what?”

  Wiping off the counter with his shirt sleeves, only the faintest of a grimace on his sourpuss mug, Stefan leaned forward. “You aren’t taking any of Callendra’s calls, dearie, or Spira’s—the one time she actually tried.” Rolling his dark eyes at that, one corner of his mouth quirked up. “It would seem the witch is worried about you and has commandeered a small army to assure herself you are in fact alive and well.”

  Arms spreading wide, I wiggled my fingers. “I don’t know about alive, but I’m still kicking it. Vampire chick here. Short of you trying to behead me, Captain Lop-it-off, I’m just dandy. So you all can-”

  “She’s doing horrible!”

  Whipping around, lips pulling back, body tensing, I snarled in the direction of the kitchen. The rage demon tossing pies chortled like I’d just done the cutest thing.

  A growl in my throat, I hissed. “Shut up, Daunte! No one asked you!”

  “The prick ditched her! She’s not feeding! And she’s too much of a pussy to call him!”

  “Vaginas are tougher than people give them credit for, you greyish-purple,
hairless monkey with broken horns!”

  Daunte paused. “Very true, and my testicles are really sensitive, all four of them. Fun boxes really can take a poundin’, eh? Know what I’m sayin’, pale dude? And, oi, lay off the horns, woman!”

  Stefan blinked, eyes widening as he craned his neck to catch a glimpse of the foul-mouthed heathen from Hell’s kind of kitchen.

  “Oh, my god, off topic. Stop talking right now or I swear I will quit right this minute!”

  “Yup, that’s right, we were talking about how you suck and need to eat. Or need to suck something, that is. Thanks, baby girl! Knew I could count on you to keep me straight!”

  “Daunte!!”

  “Table five, pizza wench!” Daunte hit the bell at his station fifty million times in quick succession.

  I knew then, as my eyes crossed and my ears rang, that vampires very well could get a migraine.

  “Serve it up!”

  Groaning, I gave up any pretense of pretending this was a nice, normal establishment and slumped forward. The few patrons seated didn’t notice, not that they cared, and that pizza could grow legs and walk to its own table for all I cared.

  A shadow loomed over me and Stefan’s voice whispered in my ear. “When was the last time you ate, Normal?” The steady thump-thump of his heartbeat had my throat burning as my mouth went dry. I’d waited too long and it was happening again.

  “I’m not normal anymore.” Head lolling to the side, I moaned, nose smashed into the countertop, my voice just below a whine. “Don’t you know? There’s nothing normal about me. I don’t eat, I don’t sleep, and right at this moment, I’m going to have to ask you to back that thing up, skinny bones jones, because I can’t think with you this close.”

  Stefan complied and I stood up.

  “I already know what you taste like, and I think that’s why it’s so hard to be around you right now. So, you know, if you could just disappear that’d be great.” A wave of dizziness hit me but I shook it off, grimacing as I righted myself. “Table two, you said?”